I am still in astonishment that I am writing as often as I do now. When I started this blog, I was not sure how consistent I would be. How many pieces I would write. Or even what I would write.
Yes, I had warmed up for writing for several years before and that gave me some confidence. But still, I had not written for many years prior. In fact, I don’t think I wrote anything between ages 12 to 25. 13 years! So, I definitely lacked the writing experience.
In addition to that, I don’t think I am as good a reader as I should be. It is only in recent months that I am forcing myself into the habit of reading daily. This is the result of my struggles to establish this habit for the past two years or so, when I read consistently at times and did not read at all at other times. Before that, I probably read one book a year or none. So, I lacked the reading background as well.
But I had one thing: the inspiration trying to flow through me since I was a child. The inspiration that found a way out in writing before age 12. But the inspiration that I blocked constantly after that.
For this blog, I could only trust my inspiration because that was the only thing I had. And I did.
But that did not help me get rid of the thought that I would mess it up. I was thinking that I would be inconsistent and my inspiration would not flow as much as I wanted it to.
Well, I guess I did not. Not so much. This is mainly due to the unexpected experiences I have had so far. For example:
I am consistent: I never thought I could write short stories as often as I do (one every two-three days). This blog gave me a reason and an urge to write them. To let the inspiration flow. I started having ideas from even the smallest things. I was not expecting that. For me, this was the measure of success and that gave me more confidence.
I meet people that view the world similarly: I am still surprised at how many people there are out here that understand each other well. I was not aware that bloggers formed this kind of connection. I am still trying to get used to this but I have to say, I like it. This is another reason that helps me keep blogging.
I started feeling the power of words: I am not a very literary person. Well, maybe my academic background has something to do with this. But as I read people’s posts, I see how beautifully written they are. How deep they are. How much emotion they convey. How much they can help people theoretically or practically. How they can give a sense of sameness of experiences, thoughts and emotions. All posts are gifts from one person to the other. I am not sure if I was expecting this either. And I am definitely liking this.
All in all, my muse wanted to come back to life more energetically, after a 13 years of sleep, with this blog. It is now reflecting its energy with the constant ideas it is giving me.
May it never sleep again.
You can find this and other posts on thoughts and reflections here