She had never liked nights, which is why she always went to bed early. What you don’t like, you avoid, right? She had always felt uncomfortable in silence. Noise gave her a sense of safety. Maybe, it signaled that there was life. Sound equaled life. Silence equaled death.
But tonight, she had to face what she did not like. This rarely happened because she slept very easily, but it did at times, including today. She had had a very busy day and was exhausted. She had also recently had major changes in her life. Her job had changed; she had had to move into a new city. Everything was new and she was alone. The physical exhaustion, coupled with mental exhaustion, did not let her sleep. She had to face the silence of the night.
The first few hours were difficult. So difficult that she came to the verge of crying and shouting. But later, her heartbeats became regularized and even slowed down some more. Her breath got deeper and deeper. Her mind started emptying. An involuntary smile touched her lips. The silence was giving her the time to pull herself together. The time she had deprived herself of. This was now giving her a quick recovery, which otherwise would have taken her days.
She had not become friends enough with silence to understand how it would affect her life. But it had entered her life by force. She did not complain. She accepted.
To Write or not to Write and What to Write 
It took me more than 50 years to be fully comfortable, perfectly at ease, and happy in the silence with my own company. For some it’s a lifetime process never fully completed. I’m glad I lived long enough to enjoy the silence and appreciate being alone without being lonely. Your story was well told. It conjured up responses in my heart’s memories.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Oh this is such a nice share! Why don’t you tell us some of these responses?
I have been learning how to be silent and it is still going on. It will go on for as long as I live. It is increasingly more enjoyable.
LikeLike
One of those responses in my heart’s memory was sadness. Sadness because of all the meals I missed while in college because if I didn’t have someone to go with (someone sit with while I ate), then I’d skip the meal. I was afraid if I sat alone, people would think I had no friends. Isn’t that sad? I wouldn’t go to a movie alone for the same reason. Thank God I have lived long enough to acquire the self-esteem necessary to overcome such detrimental thinking!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sounds familiar! I can go to cafes alone to study but not to eat, because then I feel the loneliness. Going to a movie theater alone is hard too. I like being alone at home, though. I don’t know why.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No judgment at home! But, I like the quote, “We wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of us if we realized how little they do.” Hah!
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is a nice quote! I generally don’t care about what people think, but who knows what my subconscious is doing here🤷♀️ I was not comfortable to be alone at home for a while but now I like it. My problem could be more of dependence on people. I come from a collectivistic culture, so I want to know that there is a group of people who will support me if I fall. If I don’t have people, I tend to get anxious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand. And I relate. We all crave those support systems, don’t we?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeap!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sense of overwhelming aspiration of feeling alone can be unbearable for some longing to have interaction to be connected to others in correlation of humanity.
Where as for me and others the Silence of the Night is calming anodyne of solace to the soul for intense war that wages on from within has violent consequences of mass destruction.
Where in this fight is not you take your stand proclaim victor but wager is vitality of your state of mind and body.
All or Nothing there is no second chances when it comes to playing the Reaper’s Hand always expect it to be cocked and loaded with sentencing.
https://evolutionofselffeedyourhunger.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/caught-in-the-storm-of-dismay/
Luas dia I do thuras Betul
Alex
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that longing for resolving internal chaos becomes more noticable when we are alone. If you are interested in understanding the war inside, silence is the best. Thanks for the contribution!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anytime Betul
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you!
LikeLike